


You Kill Me (But You're Such a Dumbass That You Don't Notice)

by fuckinqueen



Series: Poemland [2]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Post-Kira, Regrets, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:27:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen
Summary: Near starts reminiscing about what should've, could've, and would've happened if Mello - and Matt - were still alive.
Series: Poemland [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114448
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	You Kill Me (But You're Such a Dumbass That You Don't Notice)

A thing Near regrets, on the top of his list, is never telling Mello how he felt about him. 

Another is not allowing himself to let go. 

Another is agreeing to have a race to see who could get to Kira first. He should've known that Mello would get overly competitive, and be irrational. 

Another is not trying to get in contact with Mello. At least… more. He could've found Mello somehow and stayed in touch. 

Another is how cold he acted with Mello. 

Another is how he let Mello run away, never went after him. (Of course, he didn't know Mello would leave at the time, but at this point he wants to beat himself up about it.) 

Something he will never ever regret, though, is taking the spot of L. He was trying to keep the pressure from Mello, and certainly Matt. Matt wouldn't be able to handle it much. Mello might break. No point in trying to protect anyone now, there is no one to protect. 

But he could've done better. 

He probably would've been able to convince Mello to work with him had he tried harder. 

(He always had a feeling Mello was waiting for him to convince him. Try harder.) 

Why didn't he? They would've been a perfect L together. They could level with and surpass L. 

L's gone too. They would've been able to surpass where L _was._

All alone. Isn't that something he should be used to by now? Yes? No? But truly, isn't it? He's so very used to it. He's experienced it so many times. But not with Mello and Matt gone. 

Mello used to make an effort, in the beginning. Until Near proved to be smarter than him, and then that budding friendship was all over. 

Matt was always such a kind person to Near, but he followed Mello around like a puppy would follow it's master. So he waved to Near and smiled when he could, and even tried to speak kindly when he could, but Mello always silenced him with a glare. 

If only Mello wasn't such a competitive, ambitious, goal-driven person. 

If only Matt weren't so helplessly deep in with Mello; not in love, but a deep brotherhood. If only he didn't follow. 

But these things made up their characters. What if they weren't what they were? They'd be nothing. They wouldn't be Near's… people. They wouldn't be Near's people. He counted on, listened to, checked up on, mourned, and loved them. 

Even Mello would check up on him even after Near became number one. 

If only, although Near… 

Near decides he wouldn't want to change Mello or Matt a tiny bit. Tears roll down his cheeks, for the first time in a very long time.


End file.
